In the year of 2015, when Sandee Chan/陳珊妮 released her album 如同悲傷被下載了兩次, which I loosely translate as As if sorrow had been downloaded from the cloud twice, I immediately knew that this would become the name of the playlist I want played at my funeral.

I am not sure how the idea of assembling a playlist for your own funeral will be perceived-pessimistic? pretentious? and I am definitely going out of my way here, as talking about death is a major taboo in my Chinese upbringing. But in our current techno-cultural era, isn’t it also as common as writing your own will?

Jack Halberstam’s In a Queer Time and Place explores the ways queer and transgender individuals experience time, space, and life trajectories differently from heteronormative expectations. The linear progression from childhood to adulthood, career, marriage, and reproduction do not necessarily apply to queer lives. This is such a fascinating lens. I reached adulthood before I experienced puberty; I loved people in an adolescent way when I was 27; and perhaps, I had already died before I knew how to live. This queer body, in this queer time and space, dances to distorted tunes in an unpredictable life.

My dear friends, my working playlist probably doesn’t escape the tearjerker stereotype. All of me is singing to you with my imperfect pitch. If you happen to outlive me, I think we would both enjoy this one-way sonic communication. You might remember when I called you after watching DeVotchKa’s 20-year anniversary show in SoHo, where everyone cried to How It Ends. Show me your silly dance moves before my queer corpse biologically decays, sing back to me, as if sorrow had been downloaded from the cloud twice.

O-Sheng, Feb 12, 2025

Playlist

00-As if sorrow had been downloaded from
the cloud twice
By: O-sheng
15 songs, 1 hr 16 min

Track 1: To Build a Home - -Patrick WatsonThe Cinematic Orchestra (6:10)
Track 2: Til Death - -Barcelona (5:19)
Track 3: The OA-Main Theme - -Geek Music (1:16)
Track 4: Saturn - -Sleeping At Last (4:49)
Track 5: Run Cried the Crawling - -Agnes Obel (4:24)
Track 6: Space Song - -Beach House (5:20)
Track 7: How it Ends - -DeVotchKa (6:59)
Track 8: Wait - -M83 (5:43)
Track 9: 星空里的你 - -棱镜 (5:02)
Track 10: Dauðalogn - - Sigur Rós (6:36)
Track 11: New World - -DeVotchKa (5:14)
Track 12: 來不及 - -Sandee Chen (5:16)
Track 13: Kettering - -The Antlers (5:11)
Track 14: Always a Stranger - -Tindersticks (5:57)
Track 15: 我不是在悲傷的想念你 - -Sandee Chen (3:22)